On Saturday night, we had the joint memorial and farewell dinner at the Toby Carvery in York. The food was good and not too pricey IMO and we had a good time. Everyone's still feeling very emotional but there's very little any of us can do about that. We did get to see Michael and Jane's house though, it's very compact but the kitchen is suprisingly big and overall it's a very nice little house. The parking's a total sod though so I'm pleased I wasn't driving.

Then on Sunday I decided to take the plunge and finally buy myself a new mobile phone. Everyone knows I need one cos my old one is barely usable these days. So I'd found a good deal online from Carphone Warehouse, went to their store in Durham and about ten minutes later came out with a brand spanking new Nokia 1600 for the unbelievable price of £40! That's including ten pounds worth of credit as well. It's quite a fabby phone too, no bells and whistles but it's got a colour screen and polyphonic ringtones, and it works, which is more than a bonus in my eyes.

Tomorrow is Uncle Malcolm's funeral. I have very mixed feelings about it, obviously I'm very sad and grieving for him but at the same time I'm feeling very wary about meeting up with his sister again considering the back-stabbing, money-grabbing bitch that she's turned out to be. We had our worries that this was the case but it's ended up being far worse than I expected so I'll be going with mum and everyone to the solicitor's on Thursday to make sure that at least Aunty Janet's wishes will be carried out. I don't know if I'll be able to make sure that Uncle Malcolm's will is carried out to the letter but I'll try my hardest.

On Sunday, we were all going down to York to view some professional photos that Aunty Janet and Uncle Malcolm had done at the end of last year (it was a Christmas present from my cousin Nickeee) to see if we wanted to buy any of them. When we got to Uncle Malcolm's house at about 1pm there was no answer at the door and the house was locked up with the upstairs curtains closed but we knew that someone was in because we could see Uncle Malcolm's shoes and coat in the house and Bobby's lead was still in the car (he's their dog). We kept knocking and knocking and no one was answering the phone either so mum went to a neighbour's and asked to borrow their phone to ring my cousins Mikeee and Nickeee (would you believe it but all three of our mobile phones were crapped up).

While she was next-door with nana, Nickee drove up and we decided that we'd have to break in because the keys were still in the lock and slightly turned so we couldn't push them through and use another key to get in. So Jamie smashed a pane of glass in the door, reached in and got the keys. When we got inside though the two internal doors that lead to the stairs were both locked from the other side and we couldn't get through because, again, the keys were on the other side of the door. Jamie had to smash in the glass panels on the living room door and climb through while Nickee tried to find a key. We got through, raced upstairs and found Uncle Malcolm dead behind the bedroom door with Bobby curled up beside him crying.

We think it looks like he got up in the night for a drink, had a massive heart attack and just dropped dead where he stood. Thankfully the coroner and the paramedics said it would have been very fast so he won't have suffered.

That's all I can say at the moment.

Malcolm George Berry (1945-2007)

A lot's happened in the last month or so and I just haven't been able to face writing here until now. I think I'll start at the start and go on from there...

Christmas Day was very good, we all enjoyed ourselves and got some lovely things. Chris bought me a lovely gothicy mirror that looks like a miniature overmantle so I'm just waiting for my dad to help us put it up like he promised. On Boxing Day we all went down to Nana Joan's house and stopped over like we usually do. Chris was a bit annoyed that me and him had to sleep on the air mattress again but we had to make the sacrifice for my cousin Michael and his girlfriend as they had just discovered they are going to have a baby!

After we got home from Nana's, Chris and me got all our bits and pieces packed for going down to Essex as we were due to set off the following day. We got off early and arrived in Marks Tey at about half past two. We didn't go out much during our stay but we did go shopping with Chris' mum and then the three of us went to visit Chris' nan in Witham. It was a nice relaxing time and we saw in the New Year together although we missed the fireworks on BBC1 cos Chris said we had to turn over to the Hootenanny again LOL

Everything was great until the day before we were due to come home and I tried to phone mum to say when we'd be home, as promised. I couldn't get in touch with her anywhere but eventually managed to find my brother, who was being very cagey and just said that mum and dad were down in York. I thought they were just visiting my aunt and uncle or taking nana down to stay with them. After a few more tries phoning, I rang Jamie again and forced him to tell me what was going on with the promise that I wouldn't let him get into trouble for it. It turned out that the reason mum, dad and nana were in York was becuase Aunty Janet had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had been rushed into hospital. Later it transpired, after a few more phone calls that it was worse than that and the cancer had spread into her liver, possibly further than that and she probably only had 6-9 months left.

We drove home on the first Thursday in January, the following day I got a call from my cousin Nicola saying that her mum had had a stroke. We think it was probably caused by a blood clot in her leg that had moved into her stomach and then further on after being given Warfarin to break down any clots. When I went to see her on the Sunday she was nothing like herself. She had lost the use of the right hand side of her body, including hearing and sight as well as feeling, and she could not speak or swallow. Gradually she managed to swallow better but it wasn't perfect and she refused all attempts by the speech therapist to teach her to use picture cards in order to communicate. The last time I saw her I did hear her vocalise twice when asked whether she would like anything to eat. It was only a little "err" but it gave me so much hope although Aunty Janet didn't seem all that fussed. She didn't seem that bothered about the possibility of coming home either, which Uncle Malcolm had been trying to arrange with the MacMillan nurses and social services.

Two weeks after the stroke we had a very worried call from Michael saying that Aunty Janet had been put on oxygen and he was really scared. We thought that she must have aspriated some food and it had given her a chest infection. I told mum that she should go and see her in York as soon as possible and she decided to go as soon as dad had finished work. They went off to York and I went down and picked nana up from home as she had been back there for a few days. We knew that mum and dad would be back fairly late as we always stayed at the hospital until the end of visiting hours at 8pm but they arrived home well before expected and with Uncle Malcolm. Aunty Janet had died about five minutes after mum and dad had got to the hospital. She had her husband, children and sister with her and mum says everyone stayed with her for about ten minutes afterwards just talking and comforting each other.

The funeral was on Friday. It was a lovely service and about 200 people turned up, which was amazing. I'd never seen a funeral be standing room only. People that had worked with Aunty Janet at Sainsbury's and Rowntree's as well as the DWP were there, even though a lot of them hadn't seen her for maybe 15 or 20 years. One of her bridesmaids from her first marriage was there with some old friends from Rowntree's that she had lost touch with but had seen the notice in the paper. Vic, a neighbour that had moved away maybe 15 years ago, came up from Cornwall and brought her a special flower as when he lived in the street he always used to visit her and bring a flower, usually picked from her own garden :)

About halfway through the service we watched a slideshow of all the photos we'd managed to hastily collect together, which was beautiful especially as there were a lot of photos some of us hadn't seen of times we'd almost forgotten and they showed the Aunty Janet we all love and miss. Mum and dad both got up and did a reading each, which was so hard for them to do but so very lovely and moving. One of her workmates came and said something on behalf of everyone she'd worked with, which even made us laugh as we remembered the way she mothered everyone and cared so much for us all no matter what she was going through in her own life and with her own family. There were messages there from a friend from the Blind Club, Nickee and Mikeee, and Jane, that they just couldn't get up and say for themselves so the vicar read them out.

Afterwards, we went to the village pub for the wake and it was so lovely to see family we hadn't seen in ages. All of Uncle Malcolm's kids were there, who I hadn't seen altogether for maybe ten years, as were mum's cousins from Lancashire. We stayed as long as we could but had to leave eventually because mum has been unwell for the past week or so. I think the stress of everything has got too much for her and is causing her gastric problem to go mental again.

All in all it's been a pretty shitty month. The only high point was Evie's Christening. I managed to get my embroidery finished in time even though it meant staying up until 4am and Vickie and Jamie loved it. Also, when we got to the church I found out that they had no objection to my being a full and proper godmother so I got to do it officically after all. Evie was very well behaved throughout the service although she was very very tired and ended up crashing out towards the end of the party so there's a load of piccies of her conked out in people's arms. She still managed to look like a little angel though and her dress was beautiful.

It's a bloody awful shame that Aunty Janet will never get to see her grandchild (currently called Bump) but she did get to see a DVD of the 3D scan Jane had done in Leeds. Uncle Malcolm has decided that he is going to use the inheritance money from his mum and Aunty Kathleen to pay for Jane amd Michael's baby to have private health care as York NHS is severaly lacking in care provisions. He's also said he wants to pay for Nickeee and her Chris to have IVF as he carries cystic fibrosis and they need to have loads of medical stuff done in order for them to have a child. I've told Nickeee that if she needs any help from me then I'll do whatever I can. It kinda completes the circle started when Aunty Janet offered the same to my mum before I was born.