I got my feedback from my dissertation through the post today and I am not a happy bunny about it. I know that at the end of the day I have an MSc and I should be happy about that but I am still disappointed that I didn't get a better mark for the dissertation. I could have lived with that if it wasn't for some of the completely unfounded remarks made about it. I'm not going to go into details because I've gone past anger and don't want to get riled up again, but I will say that I'm wondering whether the two markers read the same piece of work as there are some blatent contradictions and things said about the work that are not true. I don't know how this is possible but it's happened and I was 2-3% off getting a commendation for the MSc.

Most universities don't grade the Masters courses in that way but for some reason Northumbria do. However, it's a small consolation that if it was graded in the same way as an undergraduate degree then I'd have another 2.2, same as my BA. I'm going to try and forget about what they said... and may shred the feedback, although I haven't decided if that's a good idea yet... so let's hope the people in question aren't at graduation because I can't trust myself to be nice to them. I considered changing my mind about going but I've got the tickets and paid for the gown hire so I may as well go. Like everyone keeps saying to me, I should be proud of my acheivements and the graduation ceremony lets me stand up and say "it was bloody awful but I got through it when others may have given up".

Right now I am feeling very disheartened. I really wanted to get Chris something really nice for Xmas because he's my special fella and he always gets me such wonderful, thoughtful presents that I feel ashamed of my crappy ideas. He asked me to get one thing for him, I bought another cos I thought he needed them and they were nice and I also bought him some nice pants cos I figured he needed some more of them too. When I did my adding up I realised that I'd already spent too much (especially on the thing he had to have) so I ended up just giving him the pants as a "congrats on the new job" pressie even though he'd been there almost a month.

Still after that, the amount I've spent on him is too much for me to spend to much more on him (does that make sense?). So I had a really nice idea for a pressie, found one that fit the bill online and then went to order it. They didn't have the exact one I wanted so I tried four other options, the last of which actually went through to my shopping basket. I click on the basket to complete the order and what does it say "new stock awaiting delivery, reorder in 14 days". What the hell is all that about? If you don't have an item then you don't advertise it and then if there's an item out of stock you generally let the customer know before they try to buy the damn thing. I can't even remove it from my basket so god only knows whether the order will go through or not. I should have known not to trust Studio again after last year's debacle. I'd get rid of my account with them if it wasn't for the fact that they refuse to let me do it online or over the phone and I'll be damned if I'm gonna spend any more money on postage for them.

After all that, I'm stuck not knowing what else to get Chris. If I pick another item from his Christmas list then that'll be no real suprises from me as I won't be able to afford anything else. I know I shouldn't be hung up on all this materialism but I like to be able to give people nice things. I have no problem buying nice suprises for other people so I'm doubly peeved that I'm finding this so difficult. It's like his terminal indecision has had an influence on my ability to buy things for him. Having said that, there's a lot of very feminine gifts out there but the masculine ones tend to fall into very few categories; cars, boobs, booze, electricals.

The stomach pain has continued today unfortunately and that Fleet buisness is still effecting my insides. I've felt generally very crappy today so haven't really done much other than sorting out the washing and in a bit I've got to do some ironing or my mother will kill me when she gets home.

Anyway, in case you haven't noticed, I recently added a phase of the moon image to the right-hand side panel of the blog. If you scroll down it's between the links and the archive, and it should show the current phase of the moon in your area. It looks at your computer's clock to determine where and when you are in the world and then displays the image. It can take a while to load but I think it's cool anyway.

Well this morning I had the dreaded flexible sigmoidoscopy and it was mercifully quick because hurt like a bastard. I will never complain about the pain of IBS again as this was far and away worse than anything I've ever felt before. The going in part wasn't too bad because it's only a small camera but when it was being worked around the twists and turns of my insides I thought I was going to scream. The nurses, bless them, were lovely and helped me to calm down and cope better with the pain. I wouldn't have been able to manage without them.

Anyway, now I'm left with terrible stomach pain and tenderness, wind and the almost constant need to poop... so I'll be off before I crap the bed.

Nighty night :)

Today I feel like death cos I've had to take this stuff called Fleet that makes my insides empty themselves over a period of about twelve - fifteen hours. It's made me incredibly ill and I'm only just feeling the effects wear off now. I've also not been able to eat anything other than a few cups of strained soup, which has increased the feelings of weakness and nausea to the point that I now no longer want to eat anything. I can't even stomach the thought of lemonade and I know I need to drink because the headache's partly to do with dehydration.

After all this, tomorrow I've got to go and have a camera stuck inside me to see why I was bleeding while I was in hospital. I wouldn't care but I haven't had any bleeding since I was discharged but they say I have to have the investigation done anyway cos my nana used to have polyps and her sister died of bowel cancer.

Oh happy day :(

Yesterday was Bonfire Night and the whole clan went off to nana's house for what will probably be the last Bonfire Party there. Chris and me got there at about half past one so we went with mum and nana to Strikes Garden Centre near Northallerton to look at their Xmas displays. Nana is giving us one of her Xmas trees because mine's got a bad case of the Leaning Tower of Pisa effect so I decided we should probably get a few more decorations for it or it'll look a bit sparse. I wasn't really taken with their range of tinsel, especially at their prices, so we got a tube of red glass baubles and a little box of wooden tree ornaments, then chose a few pressies for my bestest bud, her boyfriend and my mum. I think we'll have to go to Peter Barratt's in Stockton to look at their Xmas decorations next week because they always have loads of lovely things in and tinsel in almost every colour imaginable.

Anyway, everyone else was due to arrive at nana's shortly after dark so dad lit the bonfire and it went up like a bloody rocket. It was that fierce that we could feel the heat about 25 feet away and the sparks that it sent up made it look like the garage had gone up in flames when we went round the other side of the house. People started to arrive shortly afterwards and then when everyone had said their hellos and been sorted out with something to drink we went out and watched the fireworks. Some of them, it has to be said, were a bit pathetic but others were almost like professional style ones in blue-purple and white. Halfway through we had out customary mug of hot soup and dad started putting all sorts of things he'd found in the garage onto the fire. That included an old wardrobe that I was meant to be getting when nana moves and some doors from god knows where. They were meant to be 1960s fire-retardant doors but they went up remarkably quickly, sending sparks and ash all over the place so we retreated a bit after I got a hot ember on the face.

After the fireworks were over we retreated inside to sort out the dinner. Mum had told me to buy 60 sausagesand 60 buns, although we only made 48, with fried onions on most of them, plus there were enough spuds for everyone to have a jacket potato each. A lot of the spuds didn't get eaten and even 48 hotdogs were too many, although my brother did manage to eat seven and only one of those was bun-less. Nana had made a trifle and a pavlova, which I decorated with whipped cream, kiwi fruit and strawberries, and I made my famous cherry pudding with the addition of some sherry to give it a bit of a kick. The pavlova went down a treat as usual despite nana saying that it had come out as flat as a fart LOL However, there's a lot of cherry pudding and trifle left over so it's just as well that my aunt and uncle were staying over to take nana to Otley because they can help her finish some of it off.

Yesterday was also my uncle's birthday and after dinner my cousins came in carrying a tray full of chocolate birthday cake, which no one could manage to eat after all the hot dogs and puddings so it went untouched for my uncle to take home. Then we all went into the living room so he could open his pressies and cards. He's a bit of a DIY expert so he'd asked for some B&Q vouchers from us but mum said she thought it didn't look like much, so when we were in Strikes Chris saw an apron with "Merry Berry Christmas" written on it and as it's my uncle's surname we decided to get him a little pillow and a large stocking with it written on for him to display next month. Nana reckoned that the pinny was too feminine for him though so he didn't get the full set.

So now we've returned to normal again, for a while at least although Chris is coming down with the early stages of tonsilitis so I whisked him off to see the nurse this morning and she gave him some penicillin to knock it on the head. Hopefully, they'll kick in fairly fast so that we don't have a repeat of last year's tonsilitis, which he was incredibly ill with. His neck was so swollen it looked like someone had implanted stuff into it. I made him some bacon sarnies for lunch to make him feel better and as dad's still off work he had some too.

I have passed my dissertation!

I saw my tutor this afternoon, completely by chance and she told me that I have actually passed my dissertation. This means that I will actually be graduating in December and havce the right to put MSc after my name as well as BA(Hons). I am chuffed as little buttons and can't wait to tell the rest of my family. I don't even care how well it passed cos I highly doubt it got a distinction.

Tonight I am too tired to write much so I shall ask two questions:

1. Why do some people feel the need to drive at a constant 40mph regardless of the speed limit?
2. Why am I not being paid the proper amount of money per hour commensurate with the amount of time I've been in my current job?

That's all for now. Good night.